Teardrops on my Guitar
by Sparkleish
Summary: Songfic. Hikaru x Kaoru one-sided . Hikaru liked blue. I liked green. Hikaru liked pranks. I liked teasing. Hikaru loved Haruhi. I loved him. Written from Kaoru's point of view.


Hi again This is my second songfic and I have to say, I really enjoy them! Expect many more in the future, as soon as I find songs that suit the situations I hope you enjoy.

This fanfic is to the song 'Teardrops on my Guitar' by Taylor Swift. Probably an over-used song, but what can I say? I like it. Also, I haven't yet finished the manga of this and am basing this solely on the anime. Just a warning.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club or 'Teardrops on my Guitar'.

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_He looks at me_

_I fake a smile so he won't see_

I've never seen him like this. I … I don't know how to describe it. We've never let anyone in before. Ever. It was just always the two of us; Hikaru and Kaoru, the trouble-makers. Not once have we ever let anyone into our world, and welcomed them. Many people had tried, but it had never happened. All those girls we entertained thought they knew us, but they never did. We were the same to them; exactly the same. We thought the same, acted the same, liked the same. Of course we didn't.

Hikaru liked blue. I liked green.

Hikaru liked pranks. I liked teasing.

Hikaru loved Haruhi. I loved him.

"Kaoru? Are you okay?"

Ah, I was spacing out again. I looked up, smiling my peaceful smile. The smile I had perfected to trick the most important person in my life. I felt terrible.

"I'm fine."

_That I want, and I'm needing_

_Everything that we should be_

As soon as she could tell us apart we welcomed her. No-one had done that before, and she had barely known us a week. But suddenly, we were two different people. We weren't the same. I think it was a shock to the both of us, but more to Hikaru. I think he had become so used to being the same person as me, he had forgotten that we were different. I hadn't. I was reminded of it every day. Only because I didn't love myself like I loved him.

We should be Hikaru and Koaru; _just_ Hikaru and Koaru. There is no Haruhi. Just us two, together. That's how it had always been. But then Haruhi went and ruined it. I know she didn't do it on purpose. That girl doesn't have a bad bone in her body; she couldn't hurt people even if she wanted to. No … But still, she had done it. And it was killing me.

I need Hikaru. Just for me.

_I'll bet she's beautiful_

_That girl he talks about_

_And she's got everything that I have to live without_

"Whatever you say Kaoru."

Hikaru turns away from me without even a second glance. I feel my heart break just that little bit more. He doesn't even care any more. I know he can see through my fake smile, and he doesn't care. I feel tears sting my eyes, but I force them down. I can't cry. I can't.

I look over his shoulder, seeing Haruhi sitting there, looking worried. For me. Some girl is more worried for me then my own brother. My _twin._ Why does she care about me more then he does? Why is she so loving and caring? Why is she beautiful enough to take away my brother?

Because she is beautiful. She's the most beautiful person I've ever met. Why does my brother have to fall for her beauty?

She's got far more then she knows.

_Drew talks to me_

_I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny_

Haruhi's off, entertaining our customers. Me and Hikaru are free to ourselves, and he's finally paying attention to me. I relish in it, laughing at his jokes and playing around. I love it when there's no Haruhi. We're brothers again when she's not here. I know that it's a horrible thing to think, but I wish she wasn't here. I love her like a sister, but I love Hikaru more. I'd rather have him then her.

_But I can't even see_

_Anyone when he's with me_

I'm not paying attention. I'm too fixated on him. His moving lips, his playful words, and I hate myself for it. Why can't I have fallen for someone else? Why did it have to be my brother? Why … Why could he fall in love with Haruhi and I couldn't? Why was I so weird, so strange, that I couldn't be normal too?

"Kaoru? Kaoru!"

I blink slightly, turning around to see Haruhi back again. I hadn't even noticed her. Hikaru's frowning at me; I think he wants me to go away. Leave him alone with Haruhi. I stand up and wander over to the other side of the music room, sitting down in a forgotten corner.

_He says he's so in love_

_He's finally got it right_

_I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night_

We're at home again. We're lying in his bed, side by side, but it doesn't seem right somehow. His arms aren't around me like they usually are, holding me close while he sleeps. In fact, he's not even sleeping. He's been talking for the last half an hour about Haruhi. I can't tell him to stop, but god I wish I could. It hurts to hear him go on about her so.

"Koaru … Koaru, I think I love her."

Whoever said words can't hurt you was wrong. So wrong. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I've haven't cried since I was 3 years old, and now … I want to cry like I've never done before. I hide it. I smile slightly at him, nodding my head. He's not even looking at me. He's staring at the ceiling; I think he's forgotten I'm here.

"Let's get some sleep, Hikaru."

He nods slightly, and I slide out of his bed. I'm hoping that he'll stop me, take my hand and pull me back in, tell me to stop being silly and that we've been sharing a bed since we were born. I expect him to do what he's been doing for 10 years whenever I've tried to slip into my own bed.

But he doesn't.

He pulls the blankets around himself, and turns over, his back to me. I stare at him for a few seconds, but I know I should have expected it. I slip into my perfectly made bed, with perfectly clean sheets … But no perfect Hikaru smell. All I can smell is washing powder. I curl up, imaging my brother next to me.

I didn't sleep that night. Hikaru wouldn't leave my head.

_He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar_

_The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star_

I slip out of my cold sheets, padding carefully across the floor so as not to wake my brother. I step over to the window, throwing it open and shivering in the slight cold. I ignore it, sitting on the windowsill and staring out over the cold night. Stars are scattered over the sky, shining dully in the darkness. I can't help but smile. I once heard someone say, though I've forgotten when, that every star signifies a lost love.

Does this count as a lost love? Or just an unreturned one?

A shooting star …

Make a wish.

_He's the song in the car, I keep singing_

_Don't know why I do_

The next morning we are driven to school, the radio playing quietly in the background while me and my brother chat. More time to ourselves. I love it. I stop talking briefly as a soft song came on over the radio, and I blink at it for a second. I know the song. I've heard it quite a few times, mostly from Haruhi. She likes to sing it sometimes. For some strange reason, I find myself quietly singing the song. Hikaru has always liked my singing voice.

Not today.

"Please be quiet. I have a headache."

"… Sorry brother."

More things are changing.

_He walks by me_

_Can he tell that I can't breathe?_

_And there he goes, so perfectly_

_The kind of flawless I wish I could be_

I know at school we only act. Pretend that we're in love to please the girls and to watch them swoon over the both of us. But still … sometimes it can feel so real. So brilliant. I lose myself in it, and for just a minute I can pretend that he loves me like I love him.

"Ah!"

I actually cut myself. My finger's bleeding, and I stare at it. I've never _actually_ hurt myself before. Still, Hikaru's not worried. He knows it's only a scratch, as do I, but he plays it. This is one of those times that I can pretend he really cares.

"Kaoru? Koaru, you're bleeding!"

"It … hurts."

I whimper slightly, a real one. It's not the pain from the cut that's hurting me. It's the pain from the fact that my twin doesn't give a shit.

"Come here."

His hands are gentle as he takes mine, bringing my finger up to his lips and gently licking the blood off. It stings slightly, but I ignore it. I can't breathe as his lips gently brush against my fingers, and I smile gently at him, and watch his eyes shine back at me. I know it's not _me_ his eyes are shining for though. He's pretending I'm Haruhi. He does it a lot. I don't have to pretend he's anyone else to be able to act the way I do.

The girls love him, of course. He's so perfect. I know it's not me they love. I'm the weaker one in their eyes, a nothing. But my stronger twin? So brave. So loving.

_She better hold him tight, give him all her love_

_Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky 'cause …_

Hikaru and Haruhi have been getting a lot closer. A lot. They go out on their own a lot more, and I don't see either of them for hours. Hikaru doesn't even care that I get lonely without him. Normally I do my homework, and then leave it out for Hikaru to copy. Other times I lie in his bed, curled up, wishing that he was here next to me.

I heard my brother's voice, and I grinned. He was home. I slipped out of his bed, stepping over to mine and sitting on it just as he came in through the door. I opened my mouth to greet him, but stopped. He hadn't even seen me. He's standing there, his arms wrapped around that girl.

Oh god, I can't take it.

I walk past them quickly, tears standing in my eyes. They hardly even care.

_He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar_

_The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star_

_He's the song in the car, I keep singing_

_Don't know why I do_

I decide to go out. I look up at the sky again, glaring at it. Why couldn't my wish have come true? Why did Hikaru still love her more then he loved me? Why … Why wasn't I important anymore? Why didn't he care how much he hurt me?! I clenched my fists and carried on walking, tears filling my eyes. Why did he get to hurt me so, and yet I still followed after him like a love struck puppy? Was I that desperate?

I'm singing again. It's that song that Haruhi sings. I don't even know where she learnt it, but it's nice. Soothing. Kind of appropriate for this situation, to be honest. I can't help but wonder if the song was written for me, to mock me and show me that I don't have the man that I love.

_So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light  
I'll put his picture down and maybe  
Get some sleep tonight_

Back in the house, Hikaru is waiting for me. He's looking at me strangely, but I ignore him. I get changed out of my clothes and clamber into my own bed, still not saying a word to him. The sheets are so cold … But Hikaru doesn't need me. He never has. I've always been the one who's needed him. I slept in _his_ bed. I comforted myself with _his_ scent. He's never done any of those things for me.

I reach underneath my mattress, carefully extracting a small picture. It's just a quick snapshot, not even in a frame, but I treasure it all the same. It's from when we were younger, when there was no Haruhi. We adored each other, and I think our bond was the strongest it had ever been then. In that moment. He's hugging me tightly, and I'm blushing slightly, though it's not really noticeable.

… I've got to get him out of my head.

It's with shaking fingers that I rip the photo up, scattering it over the side of the bed. Those times are long gone. I've got to stop clinging to them.

_He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar  
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart  
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do  
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough  
And he's all that I need to fall into._

I don't hear his footsteps as he crosses the room, but I feel him as he slips into the bed beside me. I turn to face him, shocked. Why is he here? Hasn't he stopped loving me? I wish he would stop playing with my head. It hurts, even if he doesn't mean to. I feel a little piece of my heart break away every time he does it.

"Koaru, why didn't you come into my bed?"

… How can he say that when he pushed me away only yesterday.

"You didn't want to sleep with me yesterday. I didn't think today would be any different."

He looks confused.

"But … You got out of bed. And you looked angry. I thought you didn't want to sleep with me …"

I stare at him for a few seconds, and suddenly I'm hugging him. He hugs me back almost instinctively, and it feels just like old times again.

_Drew looks at me_

_I fake a smile so he won't see._

"I love you Kaoru …"

But he loves Haruhi more. Reality is back, and once again my fake smile is in place. One that is made to fool him. One that works, even though I wish it didn't. If it didn't … Then he would realize how much pain he put me through every single day.

"I love you too, Hikaru."

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Well. That came out differently to how I'd planned in my head O.O Weird how things can change so much when you're writing. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed that. Reviews 3


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